3 Tips for Weight Loss, Guaranteed!

3 Tips for Weight Loss, Guaranteed!

Hello! I hope you’re having a day filled with life in its finery — the good, the bad, and the ugly (though hopefully mainly the former).

Exciting topic for the day? Weight loss. And even better than just losing weight? Losing it quickly! (And losing it yesterday would be better still.)

In my first few years of college, I gained 40+ pounds, much of that over one summer. Yeah, I was not doing well at all, a mess within a mess. In a haze of depression and binge eating disorder, among other fun, I thought if I could just get to the “right” weight, everything would be okay. If I could just get “there,” everyone would like me, my words would always be poised, sophisticated, and witty, and a sense of style and ability to do my hair in something other than a ponytail would suddenly spring forth. And in this place, any advertisement for quick weight loss bit hard and hung on (“Try this one weird trick to lose belly fat and grow 2 cup sizes” – hell yes, sign me up!).

I could never actually figure out what the “weird trick” was though. Whenever I clicked through an ad, I found myself in a maze of different size fonts relating how “Suzy” had used this one weird trick and lost a million pounds which then led her ex-husband to so regret leaving her he jumped off a cliff and then she won the lottery. I don’t know – maybe I didn’t click through enough links or give them my credit card information. I kind of suspect the method involved a sawzall and personal surgery attempt; including actual pictures probably wouldn’t have led to many sales.

But whatever. I’m excited to announce I have figured out a way to lose some pounds immediately, and you lucky ducks are going to learn them. Hold onto your hats!

Robin’s Top 3 Guaranteed Ways to Lose Weight Quickly
1. Take off your shoes, the bigger and clunkier the better. This will result in a 2-3 pound weight loss.
2. Ditch your clothing and go naked. Not only will this help you lose 1-2 pounds, you’ll save money on new clothing (which you won’t need anymore).
3. For those with long hair, go for a short hairdo. Another pound gone.

And because I like you all so very much, I’m going to share a bonus 4th tip: Go for all 3. Yup – you could lose 5+ pounds just like that! You’re welcome.


Here’s the thing: there are no shortcuts to losing weight (or really, for anything you want in life). Anyone or anything that is promising you a magic bullet solution — well, maybe you want to think long and hard before giving them any money or running headlong down that path. Maybe even take a moment to wonder why you feel something must happen right now. What is really there?

And when you are ready, really and truly ready to take action, maybe the way that will work best for you is the one that will actually work for you and that fits into your life. (If you hate salads and running, skip trying to eat boatloads of salads and running!)

Screw what works for your neighbor or best friend; you are not them. You are you. Honor yourself and experiment to find what works for you (and if you need support, go for it — there are so many options out there; if the first doesn’t work, you can try something else!). Know that even the littlest baby steps will make a difference, and eventually you’ll find yourself swimming in the magic of sustainable change that’ll knock your socks off.

Baby steps are the shizz. Progress, not perfection!

Ready to up the ante? Leave a comment below and let me know one thing you’re going to do today towards a current goal.

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