I think I’ve gained a few pounds. Clothes feel a little snugger; I feel a bit slower. I’ve felt this way before. My default reaction is “buckle down!!”. “Let’s get serious and make an effort to lose weight!”
I know I know this route doesn’t work for me. It’s kind of humorous, in a way, to see it keep popping up. Though less humorous to see that I keep lunging for the outstretched hand. Come on, Robin. You know better, dammit.
It’s been an interesting past couple of months since my husband’s surgery; life has felt kind of all over the place. I haven’t been as interested in cooking; we’ve eaten way more hot dogs, hamburgers, pasta, tacos — our easy go-to meals. I’ve had a lot more chocolate chips and ice cream.
I feel the judgment nipping at the edges, and yet a small voice is getting louder: Perhaps this is another part of the ebb and flow of life. It’s okay. No need to beat myself up. If I want to make some changes, I can. AND THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE THESE HUGE, SWEEPING CHANGES (which have never worked for me anyway and I’ve tried a million times). Maybe, just maybe, I can do some little things: an extra glass of water before dessert. 20 jumping jacks before an afternoon snack. I know afternoons/evenings can be the time when I’m staring to feel tired/lonely/less than. I’ve seen what creating a bit of me space in the mornings can do (much less grumpy!). What would some me time in the evenings do? It doesn’t have to be anything huge. Baby steps work, Robin. I know I know this.
And maybe, just maybe, this time around I can take some baby steps. Heck, I’m already doing it. I’ve heard that small voice and listened, at least for a second. 10 years ago (probably even 1-2 years ago) I wouldn’t have heard anything, much less listened if I did. Last night I did 10 jumping jacks before bed as I saw that I was really, really getting into my head after a weekend filled with social events (even at ones I wanted to be at — I over-snacked to keep feelings at bay, to keep myself at mid-line). Seeing I was in my head and then doing those jumping jacks truly is huge progress.
I don’t need to commit to an all-greens diet and an extra daily round of high intensity strength moves for 10 days (which I wouldn’t stick to anyway and then probably would feel bad about). I can commit, but I don’t need to. No, I can practice noticing when I’m getting in my head and get a drink of water or doing a stretch. I have a hunch the latter will end up being way more effective in the long run. (I’ve tried the other way close to a million times by now. If it was going to work, I think it would have worked already.)