Do you ever get in your own way? I do, all of the time. It’s kind of hilarious when I stop and think about it (though in the moment when I’m actually doing it, it feels infuriating, stressful, depressing, or like I’m stuck in a box of glue).
This morning I intended to start work at 7:15am. Work pushes my buttons and stretches me. So I suppose it’s not a surprise that I get in my way a lot here, because while trying new stuff is ultimately awesome, it can feel really, really scary to the lizard brain part of me that wants to be safe, keep things consistent, and stay in the box of the known (aka glue).
It was really easy to rationalize why I wasn’t quite ready to get started this morning. My little girl had woken up at 6am — and stayed up to “help” me work out and get breakfast ready. I needed to check on her again. And then I needed to go to the bathroom because I might need to pee…again. And then I needed to check my notes and my son and move some dishes around in the sink and ponder some thoughts about random shit. And then I needed to acknowledge I wasn’t getting started yet and chastise myself about that for a bit (because of course that was going to help things). And then I needed to check my phone and go back to the bathroom and check the kids again. Things got checked on at my house this morning. I can also confirm that my toilets work. I guess I can mark that stuff off the list.
Anyway, it’s now 8am and I’m sitting down to write (and reassuring myself I’ve checked on enough random shit around the house and the kids). A deep breath — and I see it was total procrastination (plus I’ve got this thing about needing to make work feel hard and kind of rushed; if I’m not feeling at least mildly stressed, I’m probably not putting in enough effort and the work isn’t “real” and doesn’t count — or at least that’s how my story goes). Yeah, if I look at it for what it is, it’s kind of hilarious.
How about you? Ever get in your way? If you want, we can have a laugh about it together. And then we can hold hands and let our stories go (we can even sing “Let It Go” or “Kumbaya”), getting out of our own ways, at least for the moment. And if we find ourselves stuck again tomorrow, we can move aside again. It’s all okay. We’ve got this.
(Picture is from the early morning breakfast I got my little pumpkin — in the midst of checking on random shit and other such stuff. I do so love her little face.)