Pediatric dentists, feelings, rain and sunshine, gray area, life. It’s a beautiful mess. Sometimes painful (like really, really painful). Generally (maybe even always) interesting.
Some thoughts today:
- On Jealousy: Yesterday I heard some good news from a friend — and I started to feel jealous. The comparisons began (she has that, I’m better at this, on and on and on). Then the voice in my head went off, chastising me for this “bad” feeling (What? You’re feeling jealous? You shouldn’t. Get it together. Nice people don’t feel jealous. You should be happy for her; BE HAPPY NOW!!). Things were getting ugly and the urge to hide hit. This time — I told myself to sit my butt down and let myself feel the jealousy. Yup, feel it, all of it — in its full glory. You know what? When I quit fighting it, the feelings dissipated a bit. I was reminded that jealousy can actually be useful in figuring out what we want (love this quote from Marie Forleo: “Don’t hide your envy, ride your envy — from ‘she has what I want’ to ‘I’ll have what she’s having’.”). When I let the jealousy have its space, I also realized that the little girl within was having a big swig from the bottle of Compareschlager (like Goldschlager but worse, if that’s possible — another thank you to Marie for naming this drink) — and she needed a gentle nudge to put the bottle down and be reminded that she is (and always has been) 100% okay and enough (and that it is totally okay for her to feel whatever is coming up — no feelings are bad, she is/I am human!). And with the feelings felt and bottle down, I started to feel a lot better quite quickly (and started to get authentically happy for my friend). It was cool.
- Box-Mode: While I try to be open-minded regarding others, sometimes I still find myself making snap judgments. Today I learned a new tidbit that reminded me how little I know of what is happening with others (I’d seen a lovely woman and her family around, and held onto the picture that they had it all together and were perfect; she shared some of her struggles and I realized I’d been stuck in box-mode). It all reminded me to keep reopening my mind (as well as that it’s human to want things in neat little boxes so it’s not “bad” when I find myself there; rather I can just remember that I don’t know much where others are concerned!).
- Pediatric Dentists: We went to a new one today. Oh boy, am I grateful for TVs and movies. Whoever thought to put one above the treatment chairs for kids was brilliant. Thank you. Seriously, thank you.
- Rock On: Yup, rock on. You’re doing great. We’re all a hot mess sometimes. I’m learning the point isn’t to “get over” being one. It’s to laugh (if possible) when I am in that zone and then actually be in the zone. When I let myself be wherever I am, whatever is so messy resolves more quickly and/or I start to see that maybe it’s not some indicator of a grave moral failing and disastrous. Maybe there is some funniness to it and a reminder I’m human.