Ever feel crazy in your head? Welcome to the fun side, my friend. Here is my brain dump this morning, unedited. Nope, we’re not crazy. Or maybe we are crazy. In any case, we’re fantastically human.
Distractions happen. All the time. Usually, I’m trying to avoid doing something else, like writing. I’m not sure why I try to avoid writing. Perhaps because it scares me because deep down, I know I love it. LOVE IT. Like seriously. I like writing. It helps me get my thoughts out, make some sense out of them. Or maybe just get them out of my head. I can get stuck in my head. All of the time. Like all of the time. I do. It’s kind of crazy. Maybe I’m crazy. I have no idea. What would happen if I shared this, totally unedited? I wonder. Who knows. It’s a mental splat, brain dump, thoughts spilling out. My thoughts go in so many directions sometimes. When I lead with my thoughts I can get into a great big old mess. Got to lead with my heart too. Leading with just my head is like only using a hammer to fix things. Sometimes that works out well, other times it results in things breaking more.
We have a broken chair right now. Actually, scratch that, my husband fixed it. And now I pause. It was like typing “he fixed it” completed that thought and now it is out and done.
Maybe that’s what writing does for me. Gets stuff outside of me. And then I can be done with it, move forward, move on. What is next? What do I want? What do I need? What do I like? What do I want, not what I think others want me to want or I should want or I need to want or whatever. What do I want?
And from there. A spot of coldness in the kitchen. One hand is kind of cold. My son is singing/talking. He is loud sometimes. Sometimes I snap at him and I know it isn’t helping anything. And I feel bad. Sometimes really bad. He is a good kid, a great kid, the best kid — doing just fine. As am I. As are we all.
We all are doing just fine. Somehow I know this, deep down. At the deepest level. We are doing just fine. We always have been and always will be. We can’t do life wrong. We can just do it. Just do it. Show up. Step. Step again. Keep stepping. If you don’t like the direction you’re heading? Change it. Sometimes it is as easy as that. If it feels harder, take a nap. Get a bite to eat. Talk to someone. Sing. Smell the lemon blossoms. I love lemon blossoms. They might be one of my favorite scents. I just misspelled the “They” at the beginning of the sentence. Interesting to see what is autocorrected and what gets left. Different programs correct different stuff.
Thoughts are empty — this idea intrigues me. Our thoughts are like a house of cards. They can seem huge, important, grandiose, real dammit — and then be pierced with a pencil, knocked down with a gust of wind. All seeming to be lost. And yet, if they are empty and as weightless as a house of cards, they aren’t real. We can’t lose what isn’t real and nothing real can be lost. What is real? We each live in our own universe. My reality is different than yours. Can I let you and me live in our respective realities without feeling like I need to change either (as if I could)? Gosh, I like to write.
I wonder if it makes sense, and then I don’t care. What else can I not care about? What have I cared about that has been meaningless? What if nothing is good or bad? What if all just is? And we listen to how things feel — and head in the direction of what feels good? Good, deep down, satisfyingly good? Where we are content, nourished, happy, fed, overflowing with abundance and love? I think kindness, compassion, empathy and more love spring from here. What if we all went in the direction of what feels good? How might the world look? How might life feel? What else?
Birds are chirping. I have my smoothie. All is truly well. It always is. (The photo below is from another day, though it makes me smile so I’m going to share it.)