Feeling the Pull

Feeling the Pull

I just ate lunch…and I’m feeling the pull to go eat some more.

The thing is, I’m not hungry anymore. I did eat enough. And yet I feel the pull. I’ve felt it enough times to know that I can’t really fill it with food.

This pull is kind of scary, uncomfortable, annoying to feel. It is insistent, tugging at my attention. It wants to be fed.

I’ve fed it for years upon years with food (and occasionally other less than helpful distractions). I continue to learn that eating, while it may seem to soothe (aka numb) it away in the moment, won’t really help. The pull will come back (plus I could go down the “I suck and feel full and fat” road, which has never ended well). It needs to be fed another way, though I’m not always sure by what.

I’m learning that if I can sit through the initial moments, recognizing that it’s not food I likely need, the pull will change. It kind of becomes this yearning that I’m not yet sure what it’s for, though it’s somehow easier to sit with. The tricky part is that the initial moment of the pull can last for a few minutes or a lot of minutes. I won’t know. (Though I’m suspecting it lasts longer when I fight it.)

Today I’m practicing sitting. We’ll see what comes of it.

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