Dear Self: Be Nice?

Dear Self: Be Nice?

Be nice.

I hate those damn words. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. What the heck do they even mean? A way to shut someone up? A cop out for getting someone to do something? Have them wondering what is expected of them? What is meant? I don’t know. I don’t care.

Maybe I do.

I hate those words.

Do I? Maybe I feel squashed by them. Trapped. Locked in. Be nice. BE NICE.

What does that mean?

What does that mean to me?

Dear Self: What does “be nice” mean?

I have no idea. But what I do know is to be nice to yourself.

Be nice to yourself. Maybe that is what it means. Be nice = be nice to yourself. Be kind, patient, compassionate. And extra patient. To yourself.

But Self: what about to others? Isn’t the external of being nice to others more important? I was always taught to “be nice”.

My dear — if you’re being nice, truly and deeply and kindly to yourself, you are giving off the energy of kindness and love to others. You can’t be truly nice to yourself and not truly nice to others. That wouldn’t be being kind to yourself.

And in being kind to yourself, you may need to set up boundaries for yourself — and this is fine for another. Sure, it may sting to them. However, that is okay. If there is stinging, something in them is getting triggered. Let them worry about that. You worry about yourself. Focus on you. That is where you need to be paying attention. On yourself. And when you feel trapped, locked in your own head, take a deep breath. See the stuckness — and un-attach. Notice it. Feel it. Sit in it. Let it wash over you. You won’t die.

You might drown, yes. And then you will reemerge, more alive than before. Let the feelings engulf you. The way through is through. Go through the depths if that is all you can feel at the moment. And feel what is there.

Allowing yourself to feel is one way of being nice — to everyone. Taking a nap is another. Go take a nap.

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