Messy Life

Messy Life

How much do we all want to be looked at, noticed, admired, loved? And how much are we not doing that for ourselves, thinking the approval needs to come from the outside in order for it to count?

I’m learning that sure, it does feel nice to have a pat on the back. And it also feels nice to have a glass of wine. But neither will keep me feeling great forever. I will come down. And depending on how high I was, I could crash back down. The more sustainable high is when I’m getting and actually feeling inside that I’m doing okay. I’m human. Life is messy. Feelings will come — and feelings will go. And truly, I’m doing fine.

We all have our struggles. We all have our tough times. As I learn more about another’s I see that to think I know — I don’t. I have no idea at all. And to think I’m the only one with no idea what I’m doing a lot of the time, making it up as I go — that’s where so many of us are. No one has it all together. NO ONE.

Real life is messy. Not much (does anything, actually?) goes as planned. It’s messier than books and movies, more complexities and nuances and subtleties. And sometimes if we lived in a book it’d probably be easier. Yet somehow probably less fun. We are human and complex and whole. If we lived in a book, in a movie, we’d be 2-D, flat, incomplete. To be human is to have access to this wide range of who knows what that we’re continually sifting through, sorting through — it’s all available. We get stuff that is in the same energy as that which we put out. We’re always creating. Life is neato that way. And infuriating. And wonderful. Because if we don’t like the life we’re creating, we can change it. Bam.

It may not be overnight. Actually, it’s probably highly unlikely it will be overnight. It certainly could, though we get into our own way a lot. From what I’ve seen and experienced, we humans are great way-getter-intos. It’s kind of hilarious. So, we’ve got to first get out of our own way. And then take a step. And then we’ll have to get out of our own way again. And then get back out of our own way. Then we might take a step — and then get back out of our own way. And on and on. And then one day we’ll look around and see we actually are someplace else and things are starting to feel kind of better. And this will be cool.

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